nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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