I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
