Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
