also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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