I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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