I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize