I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
