if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
