Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
