Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want her autograph on my taint
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
