If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
BRING THE BAGELS
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
