My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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