Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
