so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
