I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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