There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
