i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
