Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
