Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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