Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
