My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
