you guys were way drunker than both of me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
