He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
