i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In other news, I just burned my penis
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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