Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
