He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
