I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
