i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
