I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
