This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
