can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
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This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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