it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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