Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
