he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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