Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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