Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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