Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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