If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
