I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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