considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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