i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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