5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
