apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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