For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
