you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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