Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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