I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
