My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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