I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
