Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
