The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
