I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Every concussion has its silver lining
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
