So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
