Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
