Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
