I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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