Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
