i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
