She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
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You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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