I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
