Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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