please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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