Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
