May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
