I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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