so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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