Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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