boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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