I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
