guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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