If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
